Learning Curve

I have three weeks under my belt as a substitute para.  My job consists of being on call to replace the regularly assigned paraeducators throughout the school district.  I can see which schools are in need of a substitute by looking at a website called SubFinder.  I am set up to only see elementary school postings and the jobs can range from assisting children with learning and behavioral needs to children with mental and physical challenges.  This job has forced me to face my fear of social and impromptu situations head on.  I don't always know from one day to the next if I am going to work or where.  Recently I discovered that I was subconsciously sabotaging my opportunities to work.  I was checking SubFinder at times when I thought it would be unlikely to find job postings.  Or, I would go to Jazzercise after dropping the girls off at school, come home sweaty and check SubFinder to find that there was a job posting but I would need to report in a half hour.  Not likely when I am sweaty and in need of a shower.  So, I would miss out on a job for the day.  Since then I have learned that I need to treat each day as a day that I could work and be prepared to take jobs at the last minute. 

I have quickly learned that being a sub is challenging.  I have no prior training because all training is on the job.  This can be particularly challenging when working with Special Ed children.  I don't know the tricks that put them at ease when they are feeling the stress of having a sub instead of their normal para and I feel deflated when I know I am the reason a child is having a bad day (my personal favorite was when a little boy with down syndrome and autism closed his eyes tightly in an effort to make me disappear. If he can't see me then logically I can't see him either).  However, on the flip side, all it takes is for a child to reach out for my hand and say "I like you" or another para to invite me to join her at a table with the other teachers and staff in the lounge and tell me that she was once a sub and cried every day for the first month, to realize that I will be okay and maybe I am where I'm supposed to be.  Since these divine moments happened at times when I was telling myself that I am not cut out for this kind of work, I like to think that God ordained them as a means to encourage me.

*****

Last week consisted of more than me worrying about and hindering my chances of working.  The girls helped me smash a fresh pumpkin for this easy pumpkin muffin recipe. 

Madeleine enjoyed her second night of A Life of Faith Girls Club at church and both of the girls enjoyed playing with the neighbor girls at Grammy's house on an afternoon that she picked them up from school because I worked (see, I am brave enough to accept a job from time to time).

Both pictures were taken with my phone, thus the less than perfect quality.

 And on Saturday Audrey attended the birthday party of one of her classmates. I am sure it will be her first of many.

 So, with that, perhaps I should check SubFinder and see what intimidating jobs adventures await me.