A Week's-Full of Memorable Moments

I've gotten so bad at blogging that today I am resorting to copying my journal entry from May 27:

This has been a full week and I will start with the BEST part of it first.  On Wednesday while Gracie and I dined on Mexican cuisine after a morning of registering for "Samantha gifts", I asked her if she would be traveling alone to pick up Samantha.  When she said no I rattled off a list of people who would make great traveling companions and when she said no to all of them I was perplexed.  I will never forget the moment she looked at me and said "I was thinking you could go with me".  There was no way I heard that correctly; I wanted it too badly.  Even though I've been praying I could go, I never thought God would answer me with a YES.  I think I said something stupid like "shut the front door!" to which she replied "is that a yes"? I said many silly things after that I don't remember and so much adrenalin was pumping through my body making it hard to sit still. All I could think about was that being with Grace on the day she breaks Samantha out of the walls that have held her captive for 7 years will be the 3rd best day of my life (the births of Madeleine and Audrey being the 1st and 2nd).  I cannot seem to put to words what that means to me.  I love Samantha fiercely and cannot wait to tell her so and see Grace's face when she wraps her arms around her girl knowing she will never have to let go again!  Being a part of Samantha's adoption has lit a fire within me; a passion for orphans that I should have had all along, but it took knowing about the appalling conditions my niece has been living in (as well as her friends) that made me WAKE UP! Now I'm on a mission; to listen to where God wants me to go/wants me to do and it starts with Bulgaria.

 

 

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On Wednesday afternoon Audrey lost her first top tooth at school and subsequently swallowed it.  It happened after recess as she and her classmates lined up to go inside.  While she and her friend were hugging they bumped heads, her tooth fell out, and she swallowed it.  She went to the nurse's office where she was given a tiny treasure chest meant to hold her tooth, but since she swallowed it the nurse helped her pick out a pebble to put inside instead (ya know, to trick the tooth fairy).  She placed the pebble within the the chest, in her tooth fairy pillow, and was pleased the next morning to see it had been replaced with a dollar, but very disappointed that the tooth fairy took the chest as well (Whoops!!! My mistake!).

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On Saturday Madeleine attended a birthday party at Skate Zone.  Instead of dropping her off, I opted to stay and visit with some of my friends and provide moral support for my uncertain daughter.  Childhood activities that I have fond memories of TERRIFY her.  While dislocating her knee last year has amplified those fears, she was still leery of such activities before the accident.  I knew she would be apprehensive and overly cautious, but I wasn't prepared for the TERROR induced crying and hyperventilating that ensued.  I tried to be patient and encouraging even though I found the whole scene embarrassing and ridiculous.  Thankfully she has friends that are more empathetic in situations like these, than me.  Friends like her BFF Abby who was extremely hesitant to skate without her and went to her mom in tears because she was so worried about Madeleine.  Her "boyfriend", Sam, stayed close as well even helping her take her skates off when she was done.  The whole event caused me to have a fitful night's sleep knowing I'm partially (if not mostly) to blame for her anxieties and tendency to worry.  It has always been my inclination to hold her close, something that has backfired.  She's also incredibly observant and has an astounding memory; storing in her memory bank every anxiety attack I've had or worry I've discussed with Steven, my mom, etc.  I've created irreversible damage and am so sad.  I want her to ride a bike and roller skate; experiencing the exhilaration it brings, but I'm afraid I've robbed her of that.  In addition to praying about it, I'm going to focus on teaching Audrey these skills and hope that Madeleine will follow suit when she sees how much fun they are.

Shortly after putting the skates on . . . clenching my arm. 

After going around the rink once.  Notice the fear in her eyes and her forced smile.

2nd time around the rink.  I suppose you could say progress was made in that she was no longer hyperventilating. 

She was extremely relaxed at this point because there was no more expectation to skate.

During your prayer time, if Madeleine happens to cross your mind, please pray that she would learn to trust the adults who love her and be willing to conquer her fears so she can have a more fulfilling childhood.  :)