Plunge

Plunge . . .to bring suddenly or forcibly into some condition, situation, etc.  It is safe to say that Audrey took a plunge yesterday when she got her ears pierced.  It was not something we set out to do that day.  On our agenda was church and errands, but after both of those we ended up at the mall.  One of the girls' favorite places to window shop is Claire's and while we were there a sparkling pair of earrings caught Audrey's eye. 

Madeleine got her ears pierced when she was 6 and I hoped that Audrey would follow suit.  However, when her 6th birthday arrived she decided the pain far outweighed the end result.  Ever since then I would occasionally ask if she was ready (without pressuring her) but she always answered with a no.  However, yesterday was different.  One of the employees picked up on her curiosity and showed her the earrings she had to choose from if she did get her ears pierced.  They had Hello Kitty.  She was almost sold right then and there.  However, we watched another little girl get her ears pierced first.  Of course the little girl cried and Audrey stood, watching with her eyes wide with terror.  Maybe getting her ears pierced wasn't such a good idea after all.  

After deciding she did not want to get her ears pierced, we left Claire's and walked around the mall a bit.  As we did I could see the wheels in Audrey's head turning.  She was clearly feeling conflicted; she really wanted those Hello Kitty earrings.  If only she could have them without the painful ordeal of having them shot into her ears.  After agonizing over it, she finally decided to take the plunge as long as she could sit on my lap.  

Getting her  ears cleaned and prepped.  Just prior to this she whispered to me that she changed her mind.  I encouraged her to stick it out because there was another little girl watching her intently & I knew how thrilled she would be once it was done. 

Making a mark where the earring will go.

The worst part was the waiting.  We wanted both ears to be pierced at once, but had to wait for an employee who had stepped out briefly to pick up lunch.

While we sat there I told her how it will be a quick pinch and that it wouldn't really hurt.  I went on to say that her kindergarten shots (which she sat through without shedding a tear) were far worse.  Madeleine stood looking on in agreement.  She shared the story of when she got her ears pierced and how she didn't cry. 

Finally, after waiting in terror, it was time.  1, 2, 3, CLICK!

 . . . and she cried.  It broke my heart because I felt like a liar. 

Having her newly pierced ears cleaned while clutching her teddy bear.

Scoping out the end result.

Thankfully it wasn't long before her smile returned.  Phew!!

Just a random cute picture of Madeleine.

 As horrible as the anticipation was for her, the end result was well worth it.  Once it was done she could not stop talking about her new earrings, saying things like "I can't wait to show my friends" and "I look so pretty"!  This morning she insisted on wearing a ponytail to school so everyone could see her earrings.

This smile reflects the fact that she was not happy about having her picture taken right before school.  She was afraid I was going to make her late.

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I am going to shift gears now because in my last post I made a pact to be more honest here.  When I wrote it I was in the midst of a dispirited week.  I only worked one day and was feeling guilty about it.  Even though I've never had a horrible day of subbing, I hesitate to take jobs unless its a school I'm familiar with (never mind the fact that the only reason I became familiar with certain schools is because I took the plunge and worked at them).  It's like I have an unspoken rule about which jobs I will accept which leaves me jobless about 90% of the time.  When I am not working I am at home (and not always being particularly productive).


I find myself yearning to work, to make something of myself, but I am afraid.  I can't pinpoit exactly what it is that I'm afraid of.  Maybe it's failure.  


For several weeks I have been feeling a little gloomy, however, I have no reason to be.  Life is well.  We have been comfortable.  My best guess is that it's the shifting of roles I've experienced since both girls have started going to school.  My days used to be consumed with caring for both girls, then Audrey while Madeleine was at school, and now I'm not needed as much because they are both at school (and of course the rational side of my brain knows that they are at home more than they at school, therefore making me needed).  The truth is I feel lost when they are not around.  I've made the mistake of finding my worth in them.  I am sharing my feelings because maybe some of you can relate.  I find great comfort in knowing I am not alone in my thoughts and maybe some of you do as well.  


I am making an agreement here where anyone can read, that I am going to make a real attempt to work at least 3 days a week without paying attention to my unspoken rules.  I want to stretch my comfort zone and work at schools I've never worked at before.  Finally, I want to stop finding my self worth in things and people, rather in the One who created me.